Using Their Own Words (How To Make Anyone Say Yes With Less Effort and Brainpower)

Most people trying to persuade someone make the same fatal mistake - they translate what the other person says into their own words, thinking they're being helpful.

They're actually destroying their own influence in real time.

The Active Listening Trap That Kills Your Persuasion

You know that moment when someone tells you exactly what they want, and your brain immediately goes: "Oh, I should rephrase this to show I understand"?

STOP.

That urge to "actively listen" is the kiss of death for persuasion. Here's what actually happens:

Someone says: "This would help me be more courageous."

Your brain thinks: "I should show understanding and empathy."

So you respond: "So you'd feel stronger and more confident."

WRONG.

They wanted courage. You gave them strength and confidence. Different words = different neural pathways = different emotional states = resistance.

Why Your Brain Betrays You (And Theirs Does Too)

The word is the anchor. When someone uses a specific word, their entire emotional and psychological framework is attached to THAT word, not your translation of it.

Think about it: If I say "courage" to you, your brain fires up specific memories, feelings, and associations. If I say "confidence" instead, completely different neural networks activate.

This is why even seasoned professionals fail at influence. They're speaking a different language than the one their prospect is thinking in.

The Mirror Technique That Changes Everything

Here's what separates the amateurs from the masters:

Always repeat their exact words back to them.

Not your interpretation. Not your "better" version. Their EXACT words.

Someone says: "I want to be more courageous."

You say: "So this would help you be more courageous."

Watch what happens. They'll say "Yes" immediately. Why? Because you just triggered the exact same neural pathway they used when they first said it.

It sounds almost stupid when you first start doing this. Your ears will go: "Well, of course they're going to say yes - I just repeated what they said."

That's the point.

The Definition Expansion Move (Advanced Level)

Once you've mirrored their words perfectly and they've confirmed it, THEN you can do something powerful.

Ask them: "What does courage mean to you specifically?"

They might say: "Courage means being able to push forward even when others are resisting."

Now here's where it gets interesting. You can expand their definition to include what only YOU can provide:

"It seems to me that courage isn't only about pushing forward when others resist. It's also about having the internal fortitude to do it because you're backed up by somebody who's an expert helping you."

You've just redefined their core value to include working with you. Now when they think "courage," they think "working with Kenrick."

This is how you spoil them for working with anyone else.

The Portuguese Lesson (Why Precision Matters)

I watched someone lose a sale because they deviated from the prospect's exact words by just a fraction.

The prospect said something about "taking action regardless of outside conditions."

The salesperson responded with their own interpretation, trying to show understanding.

The prospect immediately pulled back: "Yeah, but you don't know how it is here in Portugal."

If they had mirrored the exact words, the prospect would have said yes.

The only reason for the resistance was the deviation from their precise language.

What This Really Means For Your Next Conversation

Every time you're tempted to show how smart you are by rephrasing what someone said...

Every time you want to demonstrate your listening skills by summarizing in your own words...

Every time you think your version sounds better than theirs...

Resist that urge.

Their words are the key to their internal world. Use their key, not yours.

This isn't about tricks or manipulation. This is about speaking the language that already exists in their mind instead of forcing them to learn yours.

The word is the anchor. Fire their anchor, not some random one you made up.

The Real Secret Behind The Secret

Here's what most people miss: This technique works because it's not really about the words at all.

It's about respect.

When you mirror someone's exact language, you're showing them that what they said was important enough to repeat precisely. You're validating their internal experience rather than replacing it with your own.

And when people feel truly heard - not interpreted, not translated, but HEARD - they open up in ways that surprise even them.

That's when real persuasion happens.

Not through clever tricks or psychological manipulation, but through the simple act of speaking their language instead of forcing them to speak yours.

Try it in your next important conversation. Mirror their exact words back to them and watch their entire demeanor shift.

You'll see exactly what I mean.